one thing I have realized lately, is that some people WANT to change, and some don't.
some people YEARN for growth, and others run from it.
that was a good wake up call for me, because i just kind of ASSumed that everyone wants to get better, right? no. not right, Erica.
i don't even know why i would assume that, because i was "stuck" in a really shitty place for a really long time (20 years, ahem). and you know what? i wasn't ready to change, until i was good & FUCKING READY!
before i realized this (that people will only change when they are ready) . . . i was on a personal mission to SAVE PEOPLE. i tried to save an old lady at the liquor store whose husband was yelling at her & hitting her. i tried to save the girl at the bar whose boyfriend punched her upside the head. i tried to save a friend who SAID she wanted out of her abusive marriage, but kept going back. i tried to save another friend from drinking herself to death. i tried to save everybody. i really did.
guess which ones i saved??? not ONE of them. NOT ONE. the old lady in the liquor store went back to the man that had beat her for 70 years. the girl in the bar yelled at me for ruining her life when her boyfriend got taken away by the police. the friend left the abusive marriage, but abuses herself & everyone in her life, daily. and the other friend DID drink herself to death.
when i was in this "i'm gonna save everybody" phase, a good friend of mine looked at me & said, "that's kind of cocky don't you think? who put you in charge of saving these people? who gave you that job? what makes you think they are not exactly where they're supposed to be?" . . . . . . . hmmmmm. (I have really smart friends ;)
so, who CAN i save? well dear, look in the mirror. me, and only me. and i'm cool with that ;)
back to the "wanting to change . . . wanting to heal . . . wanting to face that deep fucking hurt, see it, honor it, move through it . " YES. (facing your fears, like the "Dragon Slayer" above that I painted last week. That's what she's ALL ABOUT!)
so, last year, i did this really amazing thing, and when i came back, i WANTED to share it. i wanted to tell you all about it, but i was hesitant. it was SACRED. it was MAGIC. it was mine.
it is time to share, because i realize that there are people ACHING for healing & growth. this is such an amazing opportunity.
this healing took place over a weekend in the gorgeous mountains of Utah. Tammy (who I didn't know from Martha Stewart) said, "hey! i'm doin this woman's healing retreat thing. do you wanna come?" (reeeeal casual like). well . . . . .sure.
the first time i looked into her eyes, i knew i was safe, and i knew something huge was about to happen. i knew Spirit guided her to me.
Tammy is a medicine woman, a healer, a shaman. Spirit moves & acts through her. she is beautiful & gentle & kind & full of love & connected to Spirit. (BTW, she would never say any of these things about herself. she is WAY too humble. but you know me, & i tell it like it is. so, there we have it)
i am not going to share the details of exactly "what" happened, because it is very sacred. but i will tell you that the weekend started with 8 strangers in the mountains. we worked, we felt, we saw, we honored, we listened, we broke open, and we broke free. it was the most difficult, beautiful, amazing spiritual experience i have ever been a part of. EVER.
we each did our own work, but there is also work that is done together. MY WORK? what happened when it was my turn in the circle? CRAZIEST, MIND BLOWING, BREAKING OPEN & FREE EVER!!!
let me explain it with my art. i was SOOOOO MOVED by the work that we did, by the work that these women, who were complete strangers the day before, what they did FOR ME . . . that when it was all said & done, I gave them each, one of my original paintings. THAT is how i expressed my gratitude to them, for what they did for me. THAT is how powerful this was.
I gave my original painting of "She Found Peace" to Stephanie.
and i PAINTED this "Hawk Medicine" when i came home from the weekend. THIS is how i felt. if i could wrap the experience up in a picture, THIS is it.
i gave this original painting to Tammy in a small gesture of the enormous gratitude & love for the experience & what she had done for me. it now hangs in House of Heart.
i am telling you all of this, a) because it's AWESOME, and b) there is opportunity for you to participate.
it is an amazing experience IF you are tired of carrying your old shit, IF you are ready for change, IF you are willing to do some deep work, IF you want to get unstuck, IF you want to peel back some layers, IF you are ready & willing to break open, so that you can break free.
the next workshop is July 25-27th. Space is very limited.
Contact Tammy to register #801-548-2287 or at firstname.lastname@example.org
ps. it is worth EVERY penny & more!
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