"From every wound there is a scar, and every scar tells a story."
This is the first sentence of my tattoo.
Our stories are how we tell other people who we are, and also, how we see ourselves.
At the time in my life when this idea hit me the me the hardest, (and also in the most amazing way), I was pretty fresh out of a divorce, about 7 years ago.
It was so raw & so fresh & so fucking horrific. It had consumed me for years. I told my story to be seen & to be heard. I told my story to get sympathy. I told my story to hear, "Oh my GOD! You poor thing! How terrible!" I told my story, so that others would know how badly I was hurt.
The Cliff Notes version of my story went something like this, "He did this to me. He did that to me. Poor me. Can you believe all this crazy fucking shit I've been through? He was so terrible. He was a fucking monster. Poor me. I didn't deserve it" . . .
I told that fucking story to anyone & everyone who would sit next to me long enough to hear it.
Stories need feeding. Stories need re-telling to keep their power, and I was reeeaaally good at feeding mine.
Sure, it was true. Sure, those things happened. But, WTF?! How many times did it need to be told?
One day, telling my story yet again, or another chapter of it, or what-the-fuck-ever . . . it was almost like I was outside of my body . . . it was like I was a witness to the story, instead of the person telling it. And, HOLY SHIT! I did not like hearing it.
Our "stories" are crazy powerful things, beings, entities even.
All of the sudden, I wanted that story to fuck the fuck off! I didn't want to tell or hear that story again. I didn't want sympathy, and my biggest insight . . .
I didn't want t be the fucking victim for one more day.
Then I started asking myself some really difficult questions.
If I am not THAT person. Who the fuck am I?
and for one split second, I WAS TERRIFIED.
Because I had been with this man for 17 years, this is what I knew. This is what was familiar. This is who I was. (or so I thought).
and then, I was washed over, with the biggest rush of hope & POSSIBILITY . . .
If I was CHOOSING to no longer be this person . . . I could also CHOOSE to be whoever the fuck I wanted! Are you kidding me?! How awesome is THAT?!!
But I'll tell ya, when I deliberately & consciously CHOSE to stop defining myself by my past . . . HOLY SHIT . . . a whole new world opened up. A world that I could not have seen, if I'd stayed in the "broken victim" mentality.
Shit happens. It just fucking does. Bad shit happens all the fucking time. WE get to choose though, how much of our power we hand over to it, how much we allow ourselves to be defined by it.
That day, I CHOSE to stop re-living, re-telling, & giving my energy to the old chapters, . . . to turn the page, and to begin writing the words in my next chapter.
That was a pretty fucking cool day ;)
So, here are those 3 questions I was telling you about.
Needless to say, if you wanna get anywhere with these questions . . . it'd be a good idea to get still, get quiet, & get really fucking honest with yourself.
Ask yourself now,
1. What's my current "story"?
2. Is my story a happy one, or is it a story full of excuses of why I can't be happy?
3. Do I hear myself blaming my circumstances on other people?
4. How do I FEEL when I hear myself telling my "story" to someone?
the last, and probably the hardest question . . .
5. Is it time to write a new story? & am I brave enough to do it?
Leave a comment & tell me what your "story" is . . . & if you're ready to write a new one.
If you need a beautiful reminder, that's why I created the painting above, "New Roots 1". Get it? New ROOTS ;) A little secret about me . . . I see/feel in metaphors . . . & in this particular one, the old roots, of the old life, were rotton & fucked up, and full of poison . . . so, I yanked that fucker out of the ground, roots & all . . . and decided to plant a whole new one . . . hence, "New Roots". Clever, ya? I thought so. Hahahahahaa ;) Art available HERE.
If you related to my story, or you think it may help someone else you out, please forward it to a friend, share on facebook, or spread the love, however you spread best.
ps. if you'd like to be on my mailing list & have me give you a little "tap!tap!" when I write a new story, create a new painting, have special offers, or just have something cool to share, you can do it, HERE.