so, this whole, healing thing. it’s pretty amazing.
my last doctor appointment, my blood doctor said, “I’m so happy for you! I’m so proud of you! Not many people would willingly do this work. They’d rather keep going from doctor to doctor.” Now, I don’t know if that’s true or not. I for sure, went to a shit-ton of doctors. Specialist after specialist. I wanted an answer. I wanted a reason for the pain. I wanted an explanation for why I felt like I was dying. I told him, “I just wanted to know why! And now that I know, and I know that I have the power to change it, I’m going to do everything in my power to fix it!” He smiled. He hugged me. Again, he said, “I’m really proud of you.”
I still have my blood disorder. It’s genetic. So I’ll always be dealing with that. But it’s not taking center stage anymore. It’s not getting the limelight.
Eventually, I did get my answer. I got my reason. I got my explanation. Complex PTSD.
You may think, like I did, that this is a mental thing. You may think, like I did, that it’s “all in your head.”
I was wrong. VERRRY wrong.
Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) is a disregulation of the nervous system. Meaning, your nervous system is out of whack.
Your nervous system is a pretty important thing. It’s in charge of healthy digestion, sleep, immune system functioning, heart rate, blood pressure, breathing, relaxation, digestion, regeneration and SO MUCH MORE.
Do you even know what C-PTSD can do to your body?
Medically unexplained physical symptoms . . .
irritable bowel syndrome
chronic fatigue syndrome
and a TON more
You starting to get the idea? Your nervous system is in charge of a LOT of important stuff. So, when your nervous system is messed up . . . it can wreak havoc on your body.
I could go on & on, but at the risk of sounding like a biology teacher. I’ll leave it at that. If you' wanna know more, THIS book has a LOT of scientific stuff on C-PTSD, which personally, I find fascinating ;)
Anywhooo . . . one thing that I find absolutely LIBERATING . . . is that I’m in charge here. I’m responsible for my healing.
No doctor, no needle, no pill, no infusion, no surgery, no procedure . . . no, me laying there & having someone else responsible for fixing me.
Yes, there are people who are helping me on this journey. Yes, I am seeing a therapist. Yes, I am taking a class. Yes, I am reading books.
But do you see? Without my effort. Without my determination. Without my willingness to DO this hard work, nothing would change.
and so, I offer you my newest art piece.
“I am the medicine.”
I’m pretty sure I’m gonna get this tattooed on my bod somewhere . . . maybe above my port or the iliac crest of my pelvis? not sure yet ;)
I AM THE MEDICINE.
and my friends,
YOU are the medicine.
You are YOUR medicine.
We got this.
We can do this.
We are doing it.
We are healing.
and I’m so fucking proud of us.
ps. “I am the medicine” is an 11x17” (BIG!) original mixed media painting, on mat board & is up for a 24 hour LIVE Auction over on Instagram HERE. If you don’t have an IG account & want to bid on it, shoot me an email HERE & let me know your highest bid. I’ll bid for you ;)